I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do vagina's smell?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
two words...techno handjob
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
