he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
