just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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