cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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