Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
operation harelip BJ is a go
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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