So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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