Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
