just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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