***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
