grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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