I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
