yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
