didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
