I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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