wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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