i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
