True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
