Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
