Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
