so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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