you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
