In the future we'll all be gay
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
