No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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