Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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