Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
