dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
