i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
