just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
