The maid of honor just puked.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
