Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
