She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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