You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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