don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
