Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
