Can Purell be used as lube?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
