How'd it feel making her break her religion?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
