I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
