I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
