I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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