Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
