let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
