So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
