Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
