i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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