how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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