I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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