There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
