Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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