Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
