I am puke
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
